Friend or Foe

Over the past couple of years I had a few childhood friends locate me. Sure, I had some friend requests from middle school, even elementary school friends on Face.book. But I've also had a friend find me through search websites. Recently, I had a friend drop by my Mother's house hoping to find me. It makes me feel warm and cozy inside that someone thought of me enough to track me down. I guess I was a good friend after all.

These friends from the past made me reflect on all the friends I've had over the years. But I've reflected on the "Best friends" I accumulated along the way. I had middle school best friends, high school best friends, best friends among dozens of sorority sisters and adult best friends. Currently, I think my only best friend is my husband, Will. I guess that's not a bad thing. He's seen me at my worst and he still loves me. Nobody knows me better than the man that wakes up next to me everyday.

Having Will as my BFF is not horrible, but I miss that female companionship. A comrade to shop and gossip with. Someone who is there to listen when I want to bitch about my other BFF (Will). I once had a friend like this. I held her hair when she puked. I gave her advice when she was arguing with her boyfriend. Hell! I even introduced her to her boyfriend. Things went sour for whatever reason. I'm not sure why.

Breaking up with a BFF is like breaking up with a boyfriend. I hear about their life through mutual friends like I catch up on my gossip through TMZ. People notice that we aren't tied at the hip anymore. Awkward questions are dodged as I try to pretend it's no big deal or the breakup was mutual.

It's harder to swallow when there wasn't a blatant wrong doing. Nothing to pinpoint when and where things went wrong. No argument or blow-out. That makes things more complicated.

I've made several attempts to mend the broken relationship with no success. So I made the decision to move on. But every once in awhile I yearn for my BFF. And what's worse than name calling, back-stabbing and gossiping is saying nothing at all. Especially when you've heard through the grapevine that your ex-BFF is suffering.