Monday, October 25, 2010


I have been struggling lately with the description of my blog. Since I am officially no longer trying to conceive another child should I omit the part about infertility? Does Willow's loss no longer seem relevant because I was able to conceive another baby? Of course, I would disagree! However, I have a lot of visitors from the website, who are struggling with PCOS and infertility. I also have visitors from the site that have lost a child and are searching for support, a story similar to theirs. So how should I describe my website to let everyone know they are welcome to read about my struggles? They may not be current roadblocks in my quest to conceive, but they are struggles that will be with me always and have defined me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

He is Here!

Sorry I'm a little late with the announcement, but you can imagine how chaotic our lives have been since the arrival of our beautiful baby boy. I wanted to quickly give you an update on his stats and post a couple of pictures. I will post his birth story later.

Gabriel Maximilian Wardlow
Born 10/15/10 at 12:51 pm
7lbs 8oz, 19 inches
10 perfect fingers and toes, a head full of shiny black hair and a cute button nose!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

10 Days (or at least 3)

On October 15th, 2010 (which is also Baby Loss Awareness Day) I will officially be 39 weeks. This means that my Dr can induce labor. So we are hereby requested to report to the hospital by 8am this Friday. I'm feeling a mixed bag of emotions. I'm obviously nervous about the labor and delivery, regardless if this is my 4th delivery. I also HATE needles, especially IVs so I've never had an epidural. But I am anxious to hear, see, smell and touch my baby boy.

I'm also worried that I will be flooded with emotions and memories from my last hospital stay with Willow. I'm trying to stay positive and be strong. Although I will be bringing a new life into this world, I will be saying a prayer for Willow and all the other parents who have lost a child. I hope you will do the same thing.

Monday, October 11, 2010

11 Days

Went to work today and surprised my coworkers. But if I hear "You're still heeeere!" one more time, I swear I might lose it.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

12 Days... Eviction Notice Served

Dear Baby, You are hereby notified, that your tenancy is hereby terminated as of October 10, 2010. You are hereby requested to quit, vacate, and deliver therefore to the undersigned on or before October 10, 2010.

This notice to vacate is due to your following breach of tenancy:

...Damage beyond normal wear and tear to property.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

13 Days

Tomorrow is 10/10/10. Will have to try some things to induce labor naturally, although I really don't believe in that. I strongly feel the baby will come when he is ready. Despite my desire to be on the local news for delivering a baby on 10/10/10!

Friday, October 8, 2010

14 Days

I can't believe I'm at the 2 week mark. I never expected that I would deliver Baby Boy more than 1 week before my due date, but knowing that I am 4cm dilated has changed my mind (and tested my patience). So as I wait for some strong, steady contractions or spring a leak I have to keep busy. But I'm sick of cleaning my house, folding baby clothes and watching boring t.v. I need some ideas on how to keep my mind off of delivering a baby.

... And we have to finalize Baby Boy's legal name!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

15 Days

I'm pretty proud of myself for blogging daily, but I have no news to report. Still no contractions. Tonight I went for a walk with Olivia and we'll see if that starts anything. It's probably best if I don't start labor for a couple of days since my entire family is sick. Both kids went to the Dr today for what I thought was a bad cough. However, both were diagnosed with an ear infection. What do I know? Hubby is ill too and can't have his flu shot for another couple of weeks. I have this sneaking suspicion that now that I don't want to go into labor, it's inevitable.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

16 Days

Another uneventful day. No contractions. Had dinner out with the family and just tried to relax. I hope something happens soon, I'm tired of trying to keep up with shaving my legs. I want to be presentable when I actually go into labor.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

17 Days

I went back to work today. It was a little disappointing to have to return to work and not be in the hospital with my brand new baby boy. I have to remind myself, I'm only 37 weeks. I didn't even think I would go before 39. I had a lot of surprised looks and answered a lot of questions about why I was there. But I did receive a nice surprise. The other Merchandise Specialists in my Division planned a lunch in my honor. There were yummy tacos and delicious mint brownies (a little too delicious) all for me... Well, I shared of course. They also presented me with a gift card to my favorite spa, Neroli. So I guess I'm glad I made it at least one more day.

I feel exhausted, even though I had a full 8 hours sleep. I have a tension headache, most likely from stress. I can feel a ton of pressure in my pelvis, especially when I walk. I know he must be coming soon!

4cm dilate
50% effaced
-2 Station
Cervix is soft

Monday, October 4, 2010

18 Days... and so much more

Today started like any other. I had a scheduled appointment with my Dr. Since Will had to be in court (for work), I had to take Olivia with me. Some contractions were picked up on the Non-Stress Test and my Dr confirmed I was dilated 4cm! So she wanted me to report to L&D within an hour. So I went, thinking she knew something I didn't. I had felt uncomfortable all morning and had increased pressure in my pelvis, so I went home to pack my bag. The very bag I've been nagging Will to help me pack for at least 2 weeks.

I called my mom to pick up Olivia since I only live 5 minutes from the hospital. I called Will and explained that I needed to go to the hospital. I packed my bag and Olivia's and waited... and waited... and waited. I wondered what was taking Will so long. Then I received a call from him asking where was I. He went straight to the hospital... without me! Ugh!

After monitoring contractions and Baby Boy's heartbeat, walking the halls, more monitoring, it was determined that my contractions were not strong enough. They were also inconsistent. So I was sent home. It's a little disappointing, but I also wanted to yell at the nurse, "I didn't ask to be here!" It's just a reminder why I want to wait until my contractions are 5 minutes apart before I head to the hospital. So there is no misunderstanding that I AM in labor!

While walking the halls Will and I passed by a door with a picture taped to it. There was no denying what that picture stood for. It has been less than a year since we were behind a door with the same picture of a fallen leaf with a single teardrop, taped to our door. The image is used to communicate to staff that the woman behind the door has lost her baby. Maybe she came to the hospital knowing she would be induced so she can deliver her dead baby. Maybe she was full term, in labor and had expected to deliver a live baby that she would hold and cuddle. The mere sight of that image brought back so many memories for Will and I. We felt fearful, but hopeful about our baby's pending birth, but much sadness for that woman behind the door. We wished we could comfort her, but obviously we were helpless except for a prayer that the baby -loss mom behind the door would feel hope once again, also.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

19 Days

My plan is to blog daily as Baby Boy's pending arrival draws closer. Since this is definitely my last pregnancy, I want to remember these last days (weeks?) until I hold my bundle of joy in my arms. I don't expect these posts to be very long or eventful, for that matter. But here I go!

19 Days until my due date. I feel fine. I've been sleeping pretty well at night, except for 1-2 trips to the bathroom. Overall, I cannot complain! I'm anxious about when or where I may go into labor. I know the chances of my water breaking at work (or in public) are slim, but just the thought of it scares me. Except for my Dr confirming dilation of 3cm, I haven't had any signs of labor yet.

Friday, October 1, 2010

37 Week Quiz

I'm pretty sure this will be my last pregnancy quiz! Dr thinks I will deliver VERY soon.

How far along: 37 weeks.

Who knows: Everyone! Complete strangers are constantly asking me when I'm due.

Symptoms: My back/leg/hip pain has dissipated as I approached my final weeks of pregnancy. Thank God!

Total weight gain: Still not much... Maybe less than 15 lbs.

Maternity clothes: As I got bigger and closer to my due date I got more creative with my clothing options because I was not willing to spend any more money on clothes I will only wear a few more weeks. I found that some of my regular shirts, sweater coats and dresses actually fit.

Stretch marks: I can't tell whats new and whats old.

Sleep: The exhaustion hit hard. Even more so than my first trimester. Sleep during the night is not that bad (except for a couple of bathroom breaks during the night).

Best moment last week: Dr confirmed I am dilated to 3cm on Tuesday! Woo Hoo! I had 2 surprise baby showers thanks to family, friends and co-workers.

Movement: I am very aware of every move Baby Boy makes or doesn't make! I almost called the Dr earlier this week because he was barely moving, but I drank cold water and that got him squirming around. I know he doesn't have much room in there.

Food cravings: Cereal, is the main one. I actually have an aversion to ice cream right now, which is very strange.

Belly Button in or out: In, but it has gotten wider.

What I miss: Honestly, sex! Husband cut me off a couple of weeks ago because he was fearful it would make the baby come faster. This week the Dr shut me down due to dilation.

What I am looking forward to: Monday's Dr appointment to find out if I dilated more. Plus I love the swish swish of his heartbeat, even though I hate sitting there for 30 minutes for the non-stress test.

Milestones: Today I am officially full-term.

How is daddy? Daddy has been very nervous about Baby Boy's pending arrival, but he admitted he may never be ready, so he has relaxed a bit!