Monday, October 4, 2010

18 Days... and so much more

Today started like any other. I had a scheduled appointment with my Dr. Since Will had to be in court (for work), I had to take Olivia with me. Some contractions were picked up on the Non-Stress Test and my Dr confirmed I was dilated 4cm! So she wanted me to report to L&D within an hour. So I went, thinking she knew something I didn't. I had felt uncomfortable all morning and had increased pressure in my pelvis, so I went home to pack my bag. The very bag I've been nagging Will to help me pack for at least 2 weeks.

I called my mom to pick up Olivia since I only live 5 minutes from the hospital. I called Will and explained that I needed to go to the hospital. I packed my bag and Olivia's and waited... and waited... and waited. I wondered what was taking Will so long. Then I received a call from him asking where was I. He went straight to the hospital... without me! Ugh!

After monitoring contractions and Baby Boy's heartbeat, walking the halls, more monitoring, it was determined that my contractions were not strong enough. They were also inconsistent. So I was sent home. It's a little disappointing, but I also wanted to yell at the nurse, "I didn't ask to be here!" It's just a reminder why I want to wait until my contractions are 5 minutes apart before I head to the hospital. So there is no misunderstanding that I AM in labor!

While walking the halls Will and I passed by a door with a picture taped to it. There was no denying what that picture stood for. It has been less than a year since we were behind a door with the same picture of a fallen leaf with a single teardrop, taped to our door. The image is used to communicate to staff that the woman behind the door has lost her baby. Maybe she came to the hospital knowing she would be induced so she can deliver her dead baby. Maybe she was full term, in labor and had expected to deliver a live baby that she would hold and cuddle. The mere sight of that image brought back so many memories for Will and I. We felt fearful, but hopeful about our baby's pending birth, but much sadness for that woman behind the door. We wished we could comfort her, but obviously we were helpless except for a prayer that the baby -loss mom behind the door would feel hope once again, also.


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