Friday, September 17, 2010

Boy Oh Boy!

I am thrilled to be so close to holding my baby boy. But as I think back to the day I found out he was a "He" I can't say I didn't feel a little cheated. I think I was expecting another girl mostly because I had been pregnant with a girl before we lost her unexpectedly. I know Willow could never be replaced, but I assumed this baby's sex would be the same.

Ironically, when I found out I was pregnant with Willow, I felt a little disconcerted when I found out she was a girl. I wasn't praying for one sex or another, but just knowing at that time, that I wouldn't have the chance to have another boy was a bit of a let down for me.

Either way, it has taken some time to embrace this baby's sex. Of course I wanted him healthy. That was the most important thing. And I was glad he was here, but it seemed that everything about a boy made things more difficult. Where he would sleep (he will initially share a room w/ his sister... which is pink by the way). Picking a name has been a challenge. However, the most disappointing part of delivering a bouncing, baby boy are the clothes! I know, they are just clothes. But why must everything be blue and have tiny footballs on it? So, I've been on a quest. Although Packer pajamas may not be avoidable, I will try to dress my baby boy as fashionable as possible. In the meantime, I found these at Baby Gap!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

40 Days

My pregnancy ticker is reminding me I have a mere 40 days to go! Can you imagine? It seems like I have been pregnant forever... or at least a year. If you read my previous post this pregnancy combined with my previous pregnancy (RIP Willow) equals a total of 55 weeks of pregnancy, minus a 7 week hiatus. People ask me if I'm ready for it to be over, and I joke back that I can't wait! But truth be told, as much as I want to hold my baby boy in my arms, I'm not sure if I am ready for my pregnancy to end.

Weeks ago when my back/ hip/ leg pain was at it's worst I probably was ready for it all to be over with. But with every kick, jab or squirm I feel I feel a bit of sadness knowing that it's all about to come to an end. Since this is my last pregnancy I want to cherish the last 40 days of this pregnancy, which comes with lots of pros.

For 40 days I can wear elastic-waist maternity pants (which I absolutely dreaded in the beginning), I can be proud of my protruding belly, and my penguin-esque waddle. I can eat whatever I want, whether it's an extra helping of mashed potatoes or a piece of chocolate cake. And best of all I have a loving husband and caring son that dote on me and help out without complaint. Not to mention all the chores I get out of doing right now.

However, Baby Boy will need to meet the rest of the world very soon now. I can't wait to meet him and Olivia is absolutely anxious about his pending arrival.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Pregnancy After Loss

It is so important to be understanding of the complex emotions of a subsequent pregnancy or raising a subsequent child after a loss. Just because you are thrilled that the bereaved parents are either pregnant again or have thankfully welcomed a healthy child into their lives, do not assume that they have “moved on”. There are many juxtapositions that can accompany a subsequent pregnancy and/or child:

- Joy vs. sadness.

- Excitement vs. worry.

- Gratitude vs. anger/grief.

- Being thankful for this new baby vs. still wanting their missing child.

- Being appreciative for being pregnant again vs. thinking about how this new baby and the timing of the subsequent pregnancy “should have never been” if the previous child had been okay.

- Trying to be hopeful that everything will be okay vs. being filled with anxiety and fear at every moment that something could go wrong.

Be aware of these feelings and ask the bereaved parents how they are doing both emotionally and physically during this process. Even once a healthy child has been fortunately brought into this world, there are usually bittersweet emotions that are tied to missing their child that died. In fact, some bereaved parents note that their grief takes on an entirely new meaning once they see and hold their healthy baby: it makes what they lost all the more tangible.

DON’T use any of the following statements in reference to the a subsequent pregnancy or a new baby:

- “See, this was the child you were meant to have.”

- “If not for your loss, you would never have had this perfect baby.”

- “If you are patient, everything works out for the best.”

- “Now you know there was a reason for what you went through.”

- “All of your worrying was silly – I told you everything would be fine with this one.”

- “Try not to think about that baby and focus on the one right in front of you.”

* In one way or another, all of these comments CAN trivialize the child who died, the depth of the loss, and/or the difficult process of healing.

.. Thanks to Sari for sharing this with me. Although Willow is no longer with us, she can never be forgotten. She will always be my third pregnancy; Olivia's little sister. Willow is always going to be our daughter and as much a part of our family as Terrell. I still feel much pain over the loss of Willow. Carrying this baby in my womb does not erase that pain.