Pregnancy After Loss

It is so important to be understanding of the complex emotions of a subsequent pregnancy or raising a subsequent child after a loss. Just because you are thrilled that the bereaved parents are either pregnant again or have thankfully welcomed a healthy child into their lives, do not assume that they have “moved on”. There are many juxtapositions that can accompany a subsequent pregnancy and/or child:


- Joy vs. sadness.

- Excitement vs. worry.

- Gratitude vs. anger/grief.

- Being thankful for this new baby vs. still wanting their missing child.

- Being appreciative for being pregnant again vs. thinking about how this new baby and the timing of the subsequent pregnancy “should have never been” if the previous child had been okay.

- Trying to be hopeful that everything will be okay vs. being filled with anxiety and fear at every moment that something could go wrong.


Be aware of these feelings and ask the bereaved parents how they are doing both emotionally and physically during this process. Even once a healthy child has been fortunately brought into this world, there are usually bittersweet emotions that are tied to missing their child that died. In fact, some bereaved parents note that their grief takes on an entirely new meaning once they see and hold their healthy baby: it makes what they lost all the more tangible.



DON’T use any of the following statements in reference to the a subsequent pregnancy or a new baby:


- “See, this was the child you were meant to have.”

- “If not for your loss, you would never have had this perfect baby.”

- “If you are patient, everything works out for the best.”

- “Now you know there was a reason for what you went through.”

- “All of your worrying was silly – I told you everything would be fine with this one.”

- “Try not to think about that baby and focus on the one right in front of you.”

* In one way or another, all of these comments CAN trivialize the child who died, the depth of the loss, and/or the difficult process of healing.


.. Thanks to Sari for sharing this with me. Although Willow is no longer with us, she can never be forgotten. She will always be my third pregnancy; Olivia's little sister. Willow is always going to be our daughter and as much a part of our family as Terrell. I still feel much pain over the loss of Willow. Carrying this baby in my womb does not erase that pain.