Letter to My Daughter

Dear Willow,

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. The day I delivered you is forever etched in my mind. I cradled your tiny body and wept as I tried to memorize every feature through the rain. I dream of who you would have been had you been given the chance to live. Would you be outgoing like your dad, look identical to your big sister, look up to your big brother, or be stubborn like your mother? I yearn for you everyday as I count down the days to your due date. Only you're already gone. I try to be strong during the day and I cry myself to sleep at night. Your Daddy tries to comfort me, the only way he knows how. I will never forget the sadness in his eyes as he rocked your limp body as if you were still here with us that night.

All I have to hold on to are crocheted clothes and my memories of your too short life. We tried so hard to conceive and we were elated once we knew you were coming. Your father called you Willow before we knew you were even a girl, but he had a feeling.

I'm sorry if I did anything wrong. I'm so sorry I didn't always remember to take my prenatal vitamins and for drinking too much caffeine. Most of all I regret not knowing something was wrong until it was too late. Knowing you could have passed away weeks before is the worst feeling I have to carry with me. I have so much guilt even though the Doctor said nothing could have been done. It was my job to protect you.

As we try to conceive another baby I want you to know, that NO baby will ever replace you. We want YOU to be here with us. Please look after your little brother or sister and help them make it to us safely. Your brother Terrell is very sad you are gone and misses you very much. Olivia is very young now, but we will make sure that she knows she has been a big sister for a long time! We will always honor and remember you and I can't wait to hold you again in heaven.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy