20 Wishes

1. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to mention my baby. Just telling me you don't know what to say is okay. Sometimes I just need someone to listen.

2. I wish that you wouldn't make it awkward for me to talk about my baby. Just because I cry doesn't mean I don't want to talk about her.

3. I wish you wouldn't forget my baby. It's okay to bring her up more than once. She's on my mind everyday.

4. I wish you wouldn't think of my baby as one bad memory. I have many good memories of all the days I was pregnant. All the love I feel for my baby could never be considered a bad memory.

5. I wish you wouldn't pretend my baby didn't really exist. She was very real.

6. I wish you wouldn't assume I should be over this. Grief is very personal and everybody handles it differently.

7. I wish you wouldn't think that just because I'm having a good day that I'm "over it". I may smile and laugh and get through the day, just to cry myself to sleep at night.

8. I wish you wouldn't avoid me. Isolation only makes things harder to deal with.

9. I wish you would be patient with me.

10. I wish you would call my baby by her name, Willow.

11. I wish you wouldn't put a time limit on my grief.

12. I wish you would understand that although you may not have had the chance to see my baby, she is very real. I felt her, I smelled her and I held her.

13. I wish you would remember important dates such as her birth date or my due date. I will be thinking of her a lot during these days and I would like to know you have not forgotten.

14. I wish you would understand that losing my baby has changed me. I will never be the exact same person I was before.

15. I wish you wouldn't "remind" me that I have two other children. I know I have two children that I have already been blessed with, but I want my third baby as well. My children are not interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn't tell me about your neighbor's sister's best friend who lost 20 babies before carrying one to term.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that giving me "space" is the answer. You may be my only support system.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women and newborns is uncomfortable to me. The truth is, I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn't say "It was meant to be" or "She's better off now". I don't think of it that way. I think my baby would be better off with me. That's how things were meant to be!

20. I wish you would understand that just because we are trying again doesn't mean we are trying to replace our baby. There is no guarantee that we will get pregnant again. And if we do, we will be anxious as we approach every milestone... second trimester, the date we lost Willow, etc... We will remain hopeful, but we will still fear that something could go wrong again.