Only A Mother Could Love a Face Like That

Newborn babies aren't cute. We've all been in that situation when a coworker comes back to work to show off her newborn baby, just weeks after delivery. She parades them around from cubicle to cubicle and everyone (especially non-mothers) are forced to oooh and awww over the wrinkled little being.

As a mother I thought my babies were the most beautiful babies when they were born. But as I look back to their hospital photo shoots, I'm glad my babies outgrew the little old man/ woman stage. It's like Benjamin Button. But I still think my kids are adorable and once I give birth to this baby boy I will be at work to show off my handsome little "old" man!

That being said, last Friday I had my first glimpse of my little guy in 3D! I was expecting a normal ultrasound that day with the Maternal Fetal Dr. So you can imagine my surprise when the tech pushed a button and suddenly we were looking inside my womb at a moving and yawning baby. It was pretty cool... for about 10 seconds, then panic set in. Our baby looked like a demon child!

I think the tech sensed our shock because she agreed that babies are cuter in 2D at this stage because their lack of fat (you're telling me!) When we were scheduling our next appointment the tech stopped by to be sure we took our 3D pics home. Will and I were just hoping to leave that memory behind. You know... what happens in the ultrasound room, stays in the ultrasound room!

I'll be the first one to admit, this baby looks scary (in 3D), but I guess I'll sleep in peace knowing his 2D picture of his profile is freaking adorable. I'll forgo 3D images for now and wait for the real thing. But in the meantime, here's a photo of our worst nightmare!

Say A Little Prayer

I have a friend who is suffering from cancer. Since his initial surgery to remove the tumor, new tumors have emerged as well as cancer cells within his lungs. After celebrating the birthdays of his 3 beautiful children; Gio, Niko and Lila this weekend, he had to return to the hospital. The tumor that was against his spine was preventing him from walking. Although the Drs were able to remove some of this tumor, they tell him his new situation is inoperable and giving him radiation and chemotherapy may be his only options.

My heart aches for Pepe, Gina and their entire family. I can only imagine what they are going through. They recently purchased a house prior to Pepe being let go from his employer.

Will and I went to see Pepe in the hospital today. He had just gotten out of surgery and although he never opened his eyes, he recognized Will's voice immediately. We held his hand and just talked. I know that Pepe is definitely loved and has a great support system (I can tell from the gang of people waiting to see him at the hospital).

The entire situation made Will and I think about how to support someone who is going through something like this. What are the right words to say after someone is told they have 6-12 months to live? Will and I determined that we are not experienced in this situation and we may NOT say the right things, but it's better than saying nothing at all. Gina and Pepe have always been good friends to us and we plan to be good friends to them. A prayer is said everyday (sometimes more than once). I have no choice but to believe in miracles!

23 Week Quiz

As I approach 6 months (and my third trimester) I thought I would do another quiz. So here I go.

How far along: 23 weeks today (my ticker reminds me that the baby is now the size of a papaya).

Who knows: Everyone! I'm actually surprised when people say they had no idea. It's kind of obvious.

Symptoms: Just back pain... Well I shouldn't say "Just"!

Total weight gain: I don't ask, they don't tell!

Maternity clothes: Yeah, pretty much everything.

Stretch marks: Nothing new!

Sleep: As I approach my third trimester I've noticed the sleepiness creeping back. I also toss and turn due to the back pain and having to pee twice a night doesn't help. I like to think of it as practice to prepare my body for whats to come!

Best moment last week: Will felt the baby move for the first time! I went in to work a little later that day and we just laid in the bed talking. Then the little one started kicking like crazy! It's such a great milestone and it doesn't get old, even for my fourth pregnancy!

Movement: Lots! Everyday. Dr says this is because my placenta is on my back wall.

Food cravings: Varies from day to day.

Belly Button in or out: IN!

What I miss: Zumba! I loved to workout @ the Y, but the Dr hasn't cleared me for any type of exercise. I have been considering an Aqua Zumba class though.

What I am looking forward to: Next week's growth scan. To see how much weight this baby has gained. Although I'm not looking forward to ALL the Dr appointments. Between my regular OB and the Fetal Maternal Dr, I'm going to be at the Dr's office twice as much.

Milestones: We got to found out the sex last month.

How is daddy? Will is very overprotective. He wouldn't even allow me to bowl. He finally admitted that we already lost one baby, he's afraid to lose another. It's kind of sweet.

Diego

Diego is the new man in my life. Actually he's been around for awhile, but I have just realized how important he is to me. He never judges me. He keeps me warm at night. And he's sensitive to my needs!

Obviously, Will is jealous of my relationship with Diego. And I have to admit, it's a bit awkward with Diego sleeping between me and Will every night. Protecting me like the border patrol.

If you haven't figured it out yet, Diego is my maternity pillow. He has tried his best to keep me comfortable through the night. I don't know how I would sleep without him! I love him so much I decided to name him after all of these years. I had Diego since I was pregnant with Olivia, but didn't realize his worth until my pregnancy back pain made sleeping impossible.

As much as I adore Diego, I do miss cuddling with my hubby before drifting off to sleep. This is impossible now because of my fluffy barrier. A couple times per night while rolling over, with my pillow tucked snugly between my legs, I've smacked Will in the face. However, Will tolerates Diego regardless of his hatred for him. Besides, he knows better than to mess with a pregnant woman!

We are going to the Dells this weekend and you better believe Diego will be coming along!

Girl or Boy???

What's your guess?

10 Months

I'm almost at the halfway point. 5 months and 5 more to go. (You did know women are actually pregnant for 10 months not 9, right?) I'm also in the midst of the period in which I lost Willow. I have a lot of mixed emotions regarding the fast approaching anatomy scan. The 5 month ultrasound! The BIG one, where the tech confirms if it's a penis or vagina. The last 5 month ultrasound I went to I was ecstatic. I had already been told by the tech that my baby was a girl, but that didn't curb my excitement. I laid on the table quietly as the tech explained that she would do the "boring" stuff first since my darling hubby was late. I glanced over at the screen once and saw my baby's profile. The tech was uneasy and wasn't allowing me to see the screen. I could tell immediately something was wrong. She quickly printed some images. She wiped the gooey mess from my stomach and told me she would be back after showing the Dr some things first.

Not long after she abruptly left the room Will came bursting through the door with CD-R in hand. Anxious to see his baby girl. I began crying. Will couldn't understand why I was crying. I tried to explain that something wasn't right. Ultrasound techs don't run out of the room like that. The tech returned and asked us to follow her to the Dr's office. That's when I lost it. I sobbed because I knew at that moment she was gone. I blamed myself. How could I not know my baby had died inside of me?

These emotions are going to be strong and raw when I lay down on that table and wait to see my baby's beating heart on the screen. I could care less if my baby is a girl or a boy. I just want to see their tiny little heart beating away!

Happy Mother's Day

I thought this would be the day that I would celebrate being a Mom to my three beautiful children. But one is missing and now I'm pregnant with my fourth. It's only been five months, three weeks and five days since we said goodbye to Willow. We knew we wanted to try again to have a baby, but we didn't know when or how (considering my battles with infertility). We never thought that within two months I would be pregnant again. Without trying, without fertility meds, without even thinking about it. We are very excited, optimistic and full of hope. But losing Willow is always going to be on our minds. Even though another baby is coming and Willow won't be here, she will always be with us. So this Mother's Day I will be celebrating with my wonderful husband and my 4 beautiful children; Terrell, Olivia, Willow and "Pumpkin".